Don't Lose It
by Ciel the Hedgehog
Summary: Shadow had never been a big fan of funerals. He didn’t like dead friends and family in the first place, and being forced into talking and reminiscing about it didn’t help much. Especially when his siblings were involved...Oneshot.


**Hey, I'm back...this is just a short oneshot I wrote a while ago. I finally got up the courage to post it (with much thanks to Dreabeauty for looking over it!), so here it is. Oh, and please realize that this fic takes place quite a few years after the regular series, so Shadow and Gemini may seem slightly different than their usual versions, m'kay?**

**Disclaimer: Shadow and all related characters belong to SEGA. Gemini and Ciel are owned by me, and no one other than me. Now, go enjoy the fic.**

**--**

Shadow had never been a big fan of funerals. He didn't like dead friends and family in the first place, and being forced into talking and reminiscing about it didn't help much. Especially when his siblings were involved.

Gemini, he was surprised, was taking things quite well. He held together during the priest's sermon, the last words, the lowering of the casket. Ciel, on the other hand, had bawled his eyes out, and he wasn't as close as his blue-striped sibling had been.

Said sibling was drooped on the couch, still dressed in all black. Absently, he brushed away his bangs, which seemed dull and lifeless. The eyes behind his sunglasses were drearier than their usual vivid coloring. It reminded Shadow of a wilting flower.

"Still holding up?" The Ultimate Lifeform asked carefully. The mage nodded, silent. Not much of an answer.

"I'm surprised you didn't cry."

"And outdo Ciel? After watching him, I'm pretty sure any tears I had dried up in comparison." A dry, half-laugh came past his lips.

"She was your wife, though."

The mage shrugged. "I know. I just don't like crying in front of anyone." Then again, did either of them? To both siblings, tears were uncommon and un-masculine. They didn't cry; it was a sort of rule.

Shadow leaned against the wall next to the couch, not wanting to sit down despite the protests from his weary legs (he had stood in the back the whole service). When he was ready to call it quits for the night, then he would sit; not now. For some reason, it didn't seem right yet.

An awkward silence filled the room; it was nearly impossible to find something to say. The Ultimate Lifeform didn't want to say anything to upset his brother, but then, what was there to say otherwise that wasn't out of the blue? But he couldn't just say nothing, could he?

"…So…" he finally began, "What're you going to do now?" At first, he didn't think he'd get an answer; the mage seemed just as silent as before, eyes staring out at the pools of darkness in the room, caused by the dimming lights outside. However, an answer did come, in a voice so silent, Shadow thought at first he had imagined it.

"I don't know." Gemini's face was blank, but his mind was racing. To him, everything was starting to catch up to him; he hadn't really believed it possible before. Even the funeral wasn't proof enough for him, but…his wife…now it became apparent that she was dead. A simple question made it all real for him.

Someone he had actually loved. A woman who had captured his heart, spent the years with him. The one person to ever get past the barriers he unknowingly created, and reach the core of his being. She was the one who could bend his will, if she wished, or bring him a smile, feeling like he was the luckiest man in all of infinity.

Gone.

It was all gone now.

Why did the room suddenly feel so dark and cold? What was this feeling in his chest, as if everything was being squeezed out? There was something wet in the corner of his eyes…

Shadow watched as suddenly, without warning, the brother who seemed invincible to sorrow, yielded to tears. It was one tear at first, a droplet of rain from the storm of sorrows. It made a wet track down his cheek, as others followed suit. The act of crying consumed him, racking his body as liquid emotions flowed freely from his eyes.

"I…I'm sorry!" the blood-tinted hedgehog said, startled. "I didn't mean to upset you! Gemini, stop crying! I didn't mean it!"

The mage turned to him, trying in vain to wipe his face. "No, it's…not your fault…I just…I…" Whatever else he said was dissolved in hiccupping sobs. Somehow, his sunglasses had fallen off, and his expression was written clearly upon his face.

After a few minutes, he managed to ask, "Is this…how you felt? With Maria?" Despite all of Shadow's efforts, memories of the young blond hair, blue eyed girl stained red clambered back into his head. Rage was what he associated, rage and horror. But somewhere, deep down, a feeling like the world had ended.

Sorrow. Yes, it was there.

Yet it hadn't been like this. Maybe Shadow had never been given the chance to cry over things. But still…

"It's my fault." The words had appeared so suddenly, hanging in the air, haunting. At first, Shadow didn't understand what was said.

"Your fault?"

Gemini nodded. "It's my fault. I was too weak to save her. I could have stopped it…I could have saved her. But I didn't. I couldn't. And now…I'm not strong enough to bring her back. I could bring back my brother by changing him into a freak. Not her…I could never do that to her…she…I…"

"It's not your fault!" Shadow shouted. "Gemini, listen to me here! It's not your fault for her death, nor is it for not being able to bring her back! Don't beat yourself up over it…" With a pause, he added, "If there's one thing Maria taught me with her death, it's that. Blaming anyone…only makes things worse."

"Then what am I supposed to do?!" He was suddenly on his feet, tears hitting the floor. "Shadow, my whole world is gone now! She was all I've been living for these past few years! When I go insane, she gives me something to hold on to." His eyes were now a dark blue, like his brother had never seen. It was like a near black night sky, devoid of stars.

"You aren't insane."

"You don't know that! Shadow, I have been going mad for years now! Everything that we've been through is getting to me! Ever since…ever since we almost lost Ciel again…I've been trying to find a way to finally get him back to normal. But I can't. My magic, the one thing fueling me, has been eating away at me. I'm going blind, my body snaps like a twig when I'm hurt…and then it started getting at my head." As he cried out these words, he had grasped the red-streaked shoulders, shaking them back and forth like the wind does a tree.

Shadow stood there, suddenly feeling incredibly helpless at this predicament.

"She was…everything…" Gemini panted, eyes downcast. "I could have lost it, but she was there. And suddenly, she's gone. I can't bring her back now. I…I…" Water began to run down his face again. The tears tasted salty, somehow reminding him of the taste of blood. The mage sank to his knees; the shadows around him gave him the impression of a mourning soul from a cold and unforgiving hell.

The Ultimate Lifeform sank with him, down on all fours. He cautiously reached out to brush the tears away, careful as if a single touch could bruise his sibling.

"Don't lose it," Shadow demanded quietly. Gemini stopped, feeling the touch of a soft hand on his face.

"Don't lose it," the request was louder this time. "I'm your brother Gem; I'm always here for you. I'm immortal…I won't die. Just promise me that you won't go insane from this."

The mage watched him through misty blue eyes, biting his lip to keep from shouting. He nodded slowly, like an abused child being offered help that he didn't fully understand.

"I won't," The older sibling finally whispered in reply. "Promise." With a pause, he added, "Sorry. I went overboard on you."

Shadow half-laughed at this. "Be happy that I understand."

Unspoken were the words, _"I'll let you cry for now. In the morning, it'll all be better. We'll start over."_ It was the only thing they could do.

Death was a crueler fate to immortals than most. They couldn't forget; they just had to watch while everyone faded away.

Sooner than later, they do too…but really, it's just their minds. And watching a mind fade away is a slow, unbearable process.

Right now, it might be fixed. Just for awhile.

* * *


End file.
